Attachment Theory Offers This Advice On How To Raise Children Who Aren't Cruel

"Cruelty flows from anger and frustration, and confers a feeling of power over others that can be pleasurable. Children aren’t born with effective techniques for emotional self-regulation. When they experience strong negative emotions, they feel they’ve lost control, which is scary, and one way to regain the feeling of control is to be cruel or hurtful.

Kindness flows from empathy, the sense of feeling another’s pain, and creates feelings of nurturing and power that are pleasurable. But empathy involves emotional vulnerability, so a child who feels hurt or threatened is unable to extend empathy until she has developed sophisticated emotional self-regulation."